It started with a beating of my heart

A slow pulsating feeling in my brain

It continued to my fingers and toes

And numbed them so they had no where to go.

It begun to take over my body;

Injected me with sorrow

It was pain

Pain about my future,

Pain about my past

Pain about my present

Pain that it wouldn’t last

Pain about others

Pain about myself

Pain wrapped me in his arms and swaddled me like his baby

Pain riddled me with his words and imprisoned me with his promise

Pain rubbed all I couldn’t have in my face and stung me with the reality that it could attack me any day!

I fell in love with pain and we are married to this day!



Hi family,

I hope this letter finds you well. Well thank you for always checking up on me and asking after me you guys are gems. I mean real gems. But now it is time to answer the question of my whereabouts and why Essys point of view has been having a rather silent point of view lately.

First of all I have been super duper stressed, juggling so many things at once that I hardly had time for myself and the little time I had, I SLEPT!!!!

Bon bref! that was just to get you acquainted with my excuse now to the meat I know you are here for and yh feel free to show the world this because if that isn’t what a blog is for what is? But I have gone through the largest greatest thrust of depression known to men in my little world. Listen depression is real and the truth is most people feel like it isn’t or it’s just a figment of the imagination but no it is that one boy that will lure you to come into his corner and decide to screw you the hardest way possible.

Now that you know this, let me give you the gory details of my horrific tale and truth is the nights you cry yourself to sleep are the best nights TBVH!! The painful nights are especially the ones where the tears just won’t fall to release the pressure off your chest and boy I have had many of those lately.

The source of these feelings; well I know you know and yh your guess is correct. Or just to leave a hint, many a time when a fe-male is depresses it is due to the other part of the name (insert smiley). But yh whatever innit c’est la vie!

However through this period I have also thought a lot about things especially about God yes I said it I have been thinking deeply about the feelings of the big man up there a lot. Why and how have I been thinking about his feelings well because I linked how i feel to how he must feel every single day.

I asked myself, if I feel this way then how does God feel when he doesn’t receive my texts in the morning or when I don’t text or call him to update him on everything that is going on in my life. How does he feel, when I don’t send him an I love you or when I “fight” with him and won’t want to talk to him for days. This man must be really strong to contain all that hurt.

Again how does he feel when I share the time I am supposed to be spending with him on other things and people and especially post it for his poor eyes to see (insert sad puppy face here). God must be really sad watching the snaps of my life and my instagram stories because well he has no choice and there is no editing he sees it clearly through the crystal blue screen of his Sky Phone.

Anyway this is getting long so umma end it here but I am just informing you that I am well thank you all and I love you guys so much, and guess what…. God does too